Reading the Signs

I am a person who believes in signs. I'm not quite sure how to succinctly define what I mean but I hope you understand. The location of my interview last Thursday was two doors down from Starbucks. I take that as a good sign because I love Starbucks. Also, it was convenient because Starbucks offers free WiFi and Jeff was able to comfortably wait for me to attend my interview while he enjoyed the free WiFi on my iPad.

Shortly after an interview that put an embarrassingly big smile on my face Jeff and I went looking for an apartment. We went to pre-selected complexes and were having no luck. One complex gave us a map of other complexes we didn't even know existed and one of them was Rio Paseo. Rio Paseo looks like the apartments we toured and fell in love with in Oxnard (Serenade at River Park). They also happened to be the only complex with any openings. As we exited I noticed a car with a CSUCI alumni license plate holder and took it as a great sign.

That was Thursday. Friday evening we decided to go for it. Saturday morning they had two 1-bedrooms left so Jeff and his parents drove out to Bakersfield. By the time they got there only one was left. Apartment 8E. They put a deposit down. Sunday morning I drove out there with my mom and grandma and put in my application. Today, Monday, I received a postcard from Rio Paseo in the mail.

Crystal,
Thank you for visiting our beautiful community. We'd love to welcome you "Home" here at Rio Paseo =) Please call us with any questions! It was so nice to meet you.

Another sign.

There is still a part of me that is holding back despite all of the excitement that is building up around us. I've been asking myself if it's a feeling that things will not turn out the way we planned them (yet again) or if I'm simply apprehensive because I've never done anything like this before. Which is the most logical answer? I think the correct answer is that I'm scared. Scared in the way any normal person would be if they were making enormous changes to their life. I don't question anything about my life with Jeffrey because I am completely and totally in love with him. But I've been talking for so long about moving forward with our lives together and now something is really happening. If I weren't scared I would lack perspective, right?

Tomorrow I've told myself I will give my formal two weeks notice but there is a part of me that is apprehensive. Maybe I should wait until we know for sure we have the apartment? What happens if we don't get in for whatever reason? What if I have to cancel moving and rescind my notice. Is that really what I'm afraid of? Would that be embarrassing? Would it be worth getting embarrassed about?

My mom has been making delcarative statements that scare me. When you move out this or when you move out that. I tell her nothing is certain and to please not jinx it. And yet I'm the one interpreting signs that I believe the universe is giving me. All I know is that things are going to change one way or the other and there is no way to bypass that. Everything will change. To not be flummoxed would be silly, right?

Return to Normalcy

My world has been filled with so much love the past three days. It didn't start well, though. Thursday afternoon my diabetic mother had a severe low blood sugar and I had to call the paramedics to take care of her when I was unable to. In my fear I called Jeff and without much hesitation, he left work early, ran home and collected enough belongings for a few days and rushed up to see me. He was due to come up Friday morning but because of everything going on with my mom came up a day early. Mom turned out fine in the end, thanks to the amazing paramedics here in town. The moment he arrived began the greatest experience I've had in a long time.

It's mid-evening Saturday now and Jeff left a good twenty minutes ago. I shed some tears, as usual, and even he shed a few of his own. We had a lot of fun and today was as perfect a day as any perfect day could be. We made brunch for everyone and we all sat down together to eat. Later we went to the Flower Festival (an annual carnival in Lompoc) and then returned home. Jeff and my grandma and I went swimming in the pool and then we had a nice dinner from Subway. We played video games as we ate and before he packed up his stuff to go home we laid on the bed and hugged each other.

We may be young (he's almost 21 and I'm 26) and some may have questioned whether our union was a perfect match, but there is very little doubt in my mind that our relationship is anything less than perfect. Even with the squabbles and the occasional fight, our entire world is about loving each other. It's been a great 13 (almost 14) months and every day I thank my lucky stars for giving me such an amazing guy to be not only my future husband, but the greatest best friend I've ever had.

I love you with all of my heart, Jeffrey.

And now that he's gone and we're not sure if we'll see each other in 2, 3, or 4 weeks, it's time to move on with the life I live separate from him and to continue to search for a job and do my thing. And he will do what he has to do. That's what life is.