Life Planning

Recently Jeff and I have had talks about our future and it's come out that we're on different life paths right now. Perhaps for some people that would cause them to break up or change their relationship, but we decided to instead compromise. He's decided to take on one extra year to get his BS in Biology (with an emphasis on genetics) because of the way classes are offered and how he wants to improve his GPA so he can get into a good grad program. Before, I was prepared to wait the 1 year for the BS and two additional years for the MS and at that time we would look at marriage and having kids. But I've realized and since confessed to him that, in light of the extra year for the BS and the fact that he's reconsidering getting a PhD, I can't wait quite that long. He's been telling me to go on with my life and to keep making life plans without him, and I've been trying to reiterate to him that my plans are done and what I want to do in the next phase of my life is to get married and start a family. I know how Mary Sue that sounds, but it's really true for me. I feel emotionally and academically done with school for the time being. I have my BA and two AAs and eventually I do want to get an MA in art history or even an MFA (something I've recently considered), but right now it's not right for me. I'm 26 years old and my acquaintances (outside of college) are all married/with kids and I want that happiness right now. So I can't very well plan events for my life without Jeff when what I want so clearly involves Jeff. So, compromise.

I've helped him realize that - okay - while children while he's in grad school isn't the greatest idea, there is absolutely no reason why we can't be married while he finishes school. Marriage won't disrupt his academic life like kids would. So, we are getting married. It's not official. He did give me a diamond ring late last year that was meant as a promise ring, but even he's admitted that it is also like an engagement ring, we're just not officially engaged just yet.

And so, because I'm being encouraged to continue to plan my life I have decided that there may be no harm in planning out my dream wedding. Technically it's my own plan but it does involve Jeffrey, so that kind of satisfies both ends. I have a few bridal magazines and I'm constantly thinking about plans I would make, such as flowers, the cake, my dress, the bridal party, etc... That way when he does ask me I can hand him my notebook and say, "It's taken care of, sweetie."

Simply Amazing

Beautiful Coffers

 

Found @ coco + kelley

http://www.cocokelley.blogspot.com/

I was browsing through my bookmarked favorites and when I came upon coco + kelley I found this armoire that I immediately thought were coffers from a ceiling!  How much they look like the beautiful coffers at the Getty Villa in Malibu.

Some Funny for your Tuesday

 

 

 

Trimming Out the Pieces

 

Photo by Jeffrey.

I think life is a constant reexamination of your environment and cutting out and putting in things that either don't matter or do.  For example, over the past few weeks I've been thinking about friendship.  When I think about what I want in a friend and how my friends have been treating me I realize that they are not the same.  I had two friends, called L & J.  L was never really my friend to begin with; in fact, he was my next door neighbor at school and I thought he was pretty cool.  He was dating J.  This is how I met Jeffrey.  We all ended up living together, in a manner of speaking, and several times L & J upset me or I witnessed them using me or Jeffrey (mostly Jeff) for their own gain.  It took almost two years but finally I cut L & J out of our lives completely.  Yes, I also cut them out of Jeff's life, because he's too nice a person and would let them continue to walk all over them.  L & J were the catalyst for this "trimming out the pieces" aesthetic that has been my life recently.  I now know full well who my friends are, who is just an acquaintance, and who pretends but isn't really anything at all.  I just went through my Facebook and deleted nearly 20 contacts of people that I only had on there because we went to high school or college together, but we never really talked and there was no point in labelling them as a "friend", even in the online world, because they just simply didn't qualify.

Inevitably there is pain that follows.  The pain of knowing that people aren't who you think you are.  It really does make you feel as if you've been wearing the rose colored glasses as of late.  That's never a particularly happy thing, the rose colored glasses, and so...  At least I know now and I think I'm able to better identify these people.  It doesn't make it any less sad, however.

I Love... Coffee!

 

Thanks to my grandma I was able to induldge in one of my favorite activities: COFFEE.  Thank you, Grandma, for giving me the $4 so I could enjoy a Venti White Chocolate Mocha.  Mmmm.

Adaptation

This week has been a difficult one for me so far. I realized it has only been literally one week since I graduated college and moved back home, but, as I explained to my grandma yesterday, a week of time is different when you live in a dorm room with your sorta fiancee and you're in 7 classes and getting ready for graduation and everything that comes along with it. To go from that - when I was busy every hour of the day - to this, where my biggest concern is which box to unpack today, it's a really big transition. A week here feels like a month.

I'm applying for jobs every day and trying to make the best of my situation, but I can't help but be bored. To go from being constantly busy to constantly boring is tough, like I said. I miss my boyfriend, I miss school a little bit and since I've been here I've made a lot of discoveries about myself. Like the fact that I have very few true friends and that none of them are close to me right now. Jeff is in Valencia, Michael is in Moorpark, Allie (who I barely speak to anyway) is also in Santa Clarita. I really do feel alone. I don't have a best girl friend and people who I thought were friends either turned out not to be at all or are merely just acquaintances after all. One friend in particular I thought would become really great friends with, but that didn't turn out either. She would make plans with me and then cancel or not show up, or always be too busy. I introduced her to my mentor and she got in tight with her and ever since things have changed. I really wish I could have been great friends with her because we're so like-minded, but she was on such a different path than me. She still is.

One thing that I have started that has brought me some unexpected joy is rewriting a trilogy that I wrote many, many years ago. I guess it is an adaptation. I wrote about things like love and friendship when I didn't really know what those two things are. Now that I have some experience and perspective I'm hoping to add some depth and dimension to these characters that I have written from my heart. It's been unexpected. I got as far as the prolouge and then I couldn't figure out how to rewrite the first chapter. I turned myself into bed last night and it suddenly dawned on me! I wipped out the laptop and began writing for a long time. I didn't get to bed until nearly 4:30. It was a great feeling, to be honest, and it made me excited for what today would bring. I don't know what will come from this experience but hopefully it will bring nothing but great things into my life.

On another note, I still have more videos I can add, and I plan on doing so. Maybe I'll try and learn some tricks in iMovie so I can fancy them up a bit!