Sunday Dinner

I was volunteered to make dinner tonight using our fresh purchases from this morning's Farmers Market. Veggie quiche (crooked yellow squash, asparagus, corn, sweet peas and butternut squash) with cheese and topped with spinach and feta hummus. Fruit on the side. The quiche had breadcrumbs in both the bottom and top. The eggs were mixed with rosemary and thyme.
It's amazing how much more satisfying home cooked food with fresh ingredients is than fast food junk. I wish we could eat like this all the time! And I'm glad it all turned out well because I was just mixing things together that I thought would work!
I made two pies worth of quiche so there is plenty for breakfast or lunch tomorrow!

Sunday Farmer's Market

My mom and I had the same great idea this morning: Farmer's Market. It's a new addition to our little city and one that has been growing tremendously over the weeks. We picked up a tremendous assortment of goods, including two pies, sweet corn, asparagus, lemon cucumbers, blackberries, strawberries, fresh eggs, avocado, mozzarella, hummus, Mediterranean pesto pizza and much more. I didn't keep track of how much we spent but it was maybe close to $50 between the two of us. Oh and we also got some really delicious garlic flavored pistachios! I treated her to a cheap breakfast at Jack in the Box (surprisingly delicious breakfast burritos!) and we slowly made our way home.

I have to say it's been so nice getting along with my mom. We haven't fought in a while and everything has pretty much been smooth sailing. Curiously enough I've also been getting along well with my father. We haven't been corresponding as much the past few weeks due to his busy work schedule, but we have been getting along much better than we have in the past. I explained this to my mom and she asked me, "Does that mean you have forgiven him?" It was a difficult question to answer. I don't feel anger towards him like I have in the past and while I know he's hurt me I also know I have probably hurt him. If I have forgiven him my heart and mind did it quietly. I do know that it's a lot easier to refer to him as my "father" or my "dad" these days, so maybe I have forgiven him. And maybe he's forgiven me.

Anyway, back to the Farmer's Market. If they ever start selling locally made cheese I will go every weekend, lol!

It was supposed to be a good day

It was supposed to be a good day. Wake up, go to work, run errands, find out if I’ll be moving to Bakersfield with my boyfriend while he attends graduate school. He has had this conversation with his parents twice before, both times in different contexts and at different points in our relationship. Here we are, 3 years and nearly 3 months into a terrific relationship and we’ve hit an iceberg. Make that two icebergs.

Apparently I’m not good enough for their son. Apparently I’m a distraction. Three years and three months apparently means nothing to them because they could care less. They don’t think he should be distracted by a relationship while he is in school. Nevermind the fact they were married when they were both still in school. They don’t think it’s good enough for him to just get a Masters degree; he needs a PhD. Nevermind the fact that neither of them has a PhD and his mother only has a Bachelors, same as me. Nevermind the fact that we’re in love and want to get married. Never-fucking-mind.

I grew up where he grew up. I went to the same college. I come from a similar ethnic background. I have the same belief system as they do. My uncle lives two blocks away from them. I’m attending graduate school in the fall. I love and adore their son in ways they can’t. What am I doing wrong?

We talked about an alternate plan so we would feel better but the silence in my mind has me thinking other things now. Maybe I’m tired of fighting. Maybe I’m tired of always compromising. Maybe I’m tired of putting my life on hold. But what else can I do if this is the man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with?

It’s so unfair. I’ve spent the last two years travelling back and forth from my home to his college apartment while he finished school. I’ve put up with further distance in the months since he has graduated and moved back home. I see him twice a month now – if I’m lucky. And now he will move to Bakersfield and I will never see him more than once or twice a trimester.

What more can I do? I can’t fight these people for the rest of my life and chances are if they don’t think I am good enough now they will never ever think I’m good enough later. It’s a losing battle.

There is no title that sums up how I feel

It was supposed to be a good day. Wake up, go to work, run errands, find out if I'll be moving to Bakersfield with my boyfriend while he attends graduate school. He has had this conversation with his parents twice before, both times in different contexts and at different points in our relationship. Here we are, 3 years and nearly 3 months into a terrific relationship and we've hit an iceberg. Make that two icebergs.

Apparently I'm not good enough for their son. Apparently I'm a distraction. Three years and three months apparently means nothing to them because they could care less. They don't think he should be distracted by a relationship while he is in school. Nevermind the fact they were married when they were both still in school. They don't think it's good enough for him to just get a Masters degree; he needs a PhD. Nevermind the fact that neither of them has a PhD and his mother only has a Bachelors, same as me. Nevermind the fact that we're in love and want to get married. Never-fucking-mind.

I grew up where he grew up. I went to the same college. I come from a similar ethnic background. I have the same belief system as they do. My uncle lives two blocks away from them. I'm attending graduate school in the fall. I love and adore their son in ways they can't. What am I doing wrong?

We talked about an alternate plan so we would feel better but the silence in my mind has me thinking other things now. Maybe I'm tired of fighting. Maybe I'm tired of always compromising. Maybe I'm tired of putting my life on hold. But what else can I do if this is the man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with?

It's so unfair. I've spent the last two years travelling back and forth from my home to his college apartment while he finished school. I've put up with further distance in the months since he has graduated and moved back home. I see him twice a month now - if I'm lucky. And now he will move to Bakersfield and I will never see him more than once or twice a trimester.

What more can I do? I can't fight these people for the rest of my life and chances are if they don't think I am good enough now they will never ever think I'm good enough later. It's a losing battle.

Shoe Sorrow

Last weekend I ordered two pairs of shoes. The first is a lovely pair of flats that are gold and glittery and otherwise very simple. The second pair is a red, open toe pump with a slightly stacked heel. Both are size 13; neither of them fit on my right foot. So after work I'm going to return them and probably never order from that shop again. I've had to return every pair of shoes I have purchased there in recent memory. My feet are so unlucky. If only I wore a size 10.

My Newest Love

This just came in the mail today and it was love at first sight.

Nearly A Graduate

So the application to Fielding was submitted. The supplemental materials (resume, statement of purpose) were submitted. CSU Channel Islands sent my official transcripts (that was a battle I lost and paid for). The final piece of the puzzle is a letter of recommendation.

I asked Linda, a co-worker and friend to write it. She is doing her doctorate work at Fielding and for the past almost 6 months I've had the chance to get to know her. We became fast friends. Anyway, she sent me a rough draft of the recommendation and holy balls, I didn't know I was that wonderful! She described me in a way that I never would have though of myself. I guess that's a good thing though.

That should be going out hopefully by this weekend (which is tomorrow!) and within a few weeks I should know for sure if I've been accepted. I think I will be. In the letter of recommendation Linda said I possess a certain "spark" that is in line with the environment of Fielding. My GPA more than qualifies me and while I thought at first that my statement of purpose was too informal, I was relieved to hear that the statement is meant to reflect your personality and goals. And apparently it is absolutely fine to say that you don't know what you want to do but feel the answers will reveal themselves to you in time. I think I've always felt that way.

While I am waiting on my own graduate school acceptance, Jeff is dealing with the post-acceptance fervor of it all. He is attending CSU Bakersfield and this past Tuesday drove out there to get a feel for the place. His parents have returned from their 3 week vacation to Europe and I suspect those difficult conversations will be had starting today. Interestingly, when he took his grandmother out for dinner the other night she asked him, point blank, if he planned on marrying me. Without hesitation he declared "yes" and she responded "good." And then remarked on his lack of hesitation. Needless to say I was delighted to hear this exchange.

I think there are a lot of changes in store. Whether I continue working part time and attending school here in Lompoc or moving to Bakersfield to work full time and do school part time, my future is changing. I look forward to having things to do again, to having deadlines and papers scheduled into my calendar. I have missed the student way of life and I can't wait to go back into it, head first.