Monday, August 15, 2011

Reading the Signs

I am a person who believes in signs. I'm not quite sure how to succinctly define what I mean but I hope you understand. The location of my interview last Thursday was two doors down from Starbucks. I take that as a good sign because I love Starbucks. Also, it was convenient because Starbucks offers free WiFi and Jeff was able to comfortably wait for me to attend my interview while he enjoyed the free WiFi on my iPad.

Shortly after an interview that put an embarrassingly big smile on my face Jeff and I went looking for an apartment. We went to pre-selected complexes and were having no luck. One complex gave us a map of other complexes we didn't even know existed and one of them was Rio Paseo. Rio Paseo looks like the apartments we toured and fell in love with in Oxnard (Serenade at River Park). They also happened to be the only complex with any openings. As we exited I noticed a car with a CSUCI alumni license plate holder and took it as a great sign.

That was Thursday. Friday evening we decided to go for it. Saturday morning they had two 1-bedrooms left so Jeff and his parents drove out to Bakersfield. By the time they got there only one was left. Apartment 8E. They put a deposit down. Sunday morning I drove out there with my mom and grandma and put in my application. Today, Monday, I received a postcard from Rio Paseo in the mail.

Thank you for visiting our beautiful community. We'd love to welcome you "Home" here at Rio Paseo =) Please call us with any questions! It was so nice to meet you.

Another sign.

There is still a part of me that is holding back despite all of the excitement that is building up around us. I've been asking myself if it's a feeling that things will not turn out the way we planned them (yet again) or if I'm simply apprehensive because I've never done anything like this before. Which is the most logical answer? I think the correct answer is that I'm scared. Scared in the way any normal person would be if they were making enormous changes to their life. I don't question anything about my life with Jeffrey because I am completely and totally in love with him. But I've been talking for so long about moving forward with our lives together and now something is really happening. If I weren't scared I would lack perspective, right?

Tomorrow I've told myself I will give my formal two weeks notice but there is a part of me that is apprehensive. Maybe I should wait until we know for sure we have the apartment? What happens if we don't get in for whatever reason? What if I have to cancel moving and rescind my notice. Is that really what I'm afraid of? Would that be embarrassing? Would it be worth getting embarrassed about?

My mom has been making delcarative statements that scare me. When you move out this or when you move out that. I tell her nothing is certain and to please not jinx it. And yet I'm the one interpreting signs that I believe the universe is giving me. All I know is that things are going to change one way or the other and there is no way to bypass that. Everything will change. To not be flummoxed would be silly, right?

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