Sunday, July 31, 2011

Sunday Dinner

I was volunteered to make dinner tonight using our fresh purchases from this morning's Farmers Market. Veggie quiche (crooked yellow squash, asparagus, corn, sweet peas and butternut squash) with cheese and topped with spinach and feta hummus. Fruit on the side. The quiche had breadcrumbs in both the bottom and top. The eggs were mixed with rosemary and thyme.
It's amazing how much more satisfying home cooked food with fresh ingredients is than fast food junk. I wish we could eat like this all the time! And I'm glad it all turned out well because I was just mixing things together that I thought would work!
I made two pies worth of quiche so there is plenty for breakfast or lunch tomorrow!

Sunday Farmer's Market



My mom and I had the same great idea this morning: Farmer's Market. It's a new addition to our little city and one that has been growing tremendously over the weeks. We picked up a tremendous assortment of goods, including two pies, sweet corn, asparagus, lemon cucumbers, blackberries, strawberries, fresh eggs, avocado, mozzarella, hummus, Mediterranean pesto pizza and much more. I didn't keep track of how much we spent but it was maybe close to $50 between the two of us. Oh and we also got some really delicious garlic flavored pistachios! I treated her to a cheap breakfast at Jack in the Box (surprisingly delicious breakfast burritos!) and we slowly made our way home.

I have to say it's been so nice getting along with my mom. We haven't fought in a while and everything has pretty much been smooth sailing. Curiously enough I've also been getting along well with my father. We haven't been corresponding as much the past few weeks due to his busy work schedule, but we have been getting along much better than we have in the past. I explained this to my mom and she asked me, "Does that mean you have forgiven him?" It was a difficult question to answer. I don't feel anger towards him like I have in the past and while I know he's hurt me I also know I have probably hurt him. If I have forgiven him my heart and mind did it quietly. I do know that it's a lot easier to refer to him as my "father" or my "dad" these days, so maybe I have forgiven him. And maybe he's forgiven me.

Anyway, back to the Farmer's Market. If they ever start selling locally made cheese I will go every weekend, lol!

Saturday, July 30, 2011

It was supposed to be a good day



It was supposed to be a good day. Wake up, go to work, run errands, find out if I’ll be moving to Bakersfield with my boyfriend while he attends graduate school. He has had this conversation with his parents twice before, both times in different contexts and at different points in our relationship. Here we are, 3 years and nearly 3 months into a terrific relationship and we’ve hit an iceberg. Make that two icebergs.

Apparently I’m not good enough for their son. Apparently I’m a distraction. Three years and three months apparently means nothing to them because they could care less. They don’t think he should be distracted by a relationship while he is in school. Nevermind the fact they were married when they were both still in school. They don’t think it’s good enough for him to just get a Masters degree; he needs a PhD. Nevermind the fact that neither of them has a PhD and his mother only has a Bachelors, same as me. Nevermind the fact that we’re in love and want to get married. Never-fucking-mind.

I grew up where he grew up. I went to the same college. I come from a similar ethnic background. I have the same belief system as they do. My uncle lives two blocks away from them. I’m attending graduate school in the fall. I love and adore their son in ways they can’t. What am I doing wrong?

We talked about an alternate plan so we would feel better but the silence in my mind has me thinking other things now. Maybe I’m tired of fighting. Maybe I’m tired of always compromising. Maybe I’m tired of putting my life on hold. But what else can I do if this is the man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with?

It’s so unfair. I’ve spent the last two years travelling back and forth from my home to his college apartment while he finished school. I’ve put up with further distance in the months since he has graduated and moved back home. I see him twice a month now – if I’m lucky. And now he will move to Bakersfield and I will never see him more than once or twice a trimester.

What more can I do? I can’t fight these people for the rest of my life and chances are if they don’t think I am good enough now they will never ever think I’m good enough later. It’s a losing battle.

There is no title that sums up how I feel

It was supposed to be a good day. Wake up, go to work, run errands, find out if I'll be moving to Bakersfield with my boyfriend while he attends graduate school. He has had this conversation with his parents twice before, both times in different contexts and at different points in our relationship. Here we are, 3 years and nearly 3 months into a terrific relationship and we've hit an iceberg. Make that two icebergs.

Apparently I'm not good enough for their son. Apparently I'm a distraction. Three years and three months apparently means nothing to them because they could care less. They don't think he should be distracted by a relationship while he is in school. Nevermind the fact they were married when they were both still in school. They don't think it's good enough for him to just get a Masters degree; he needs a PhD. Nevermind the fact that neither of them has a PhD and his mother only has a Bachelors, same as me. Nevermind the fact that we're in love and want to get married. Never-fucking-mind.

I grew up where he grew up. I went to the same college. I come from a similar ethnic background. I have the same belief system as they do. My uncle lives two blocks away from them. I'm attending graduate school in the fall. I love and adore their son in ways they can't. What am I doing wrong?

We talked about an alternate plan so we would feel better but the silence in my mind has me thinking other things now. Maybe I'm tired of fighting. Maybe I'm tired of always compromising. Maybe I'm tired of putting my life on hold. But what else can I do if this is the man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with?

It's so unfair. I've spent the last two years travelling back and forth from my home to his college apartment while he finished school. I've put up with further distance in the months since he has graduated and moved back home. I see him twice a month now - if I'm lucky. And now he will move to Bakersfield and I will never see him more than once or twice a trimester.

What more can I do? I can't fight these people for the rest of my life and chances are if they don't think I am good enough now they will never ever think I'm good enough later. It's a losing battle.

Shoe Sorrow

Last weekend I ordered two pairs of shoes. The first is a lovely pair of flats that are gold and glittery and otherwise very simple. The second pair is a red, open toe pump with a slightly stacked heel. Both are size 13; neither of them fit on my right foot. So after work I'm going to return them and probably never order from that shop again. I've had to return every pair of shoes I have purchased there in recent memory. My feet are so unlucky. If only I wore a size 10.

Friday, July 29, 2011

My Newest Love

This just came in the mail today and it was love at first sight.

Nearly A Graduate

So the application to Fielding was submitted. The supplemental materials (resume, statement of purpose) were submitted. CSU Channel Islands sent my official transcripts (that was a battle I lost and paid for). The final piece of the puzzle is a letter of recommendation.

I asked Linda, a co-worker and friend to write it. She is doing her doctorate work at Fielding and for the past almost 6 months I've had the chance to get to know her. We became fast friends. Anyway, she sent me a rough draft of the recommendation and holy balls, I didn't know I was that wonderful! She described me in a way that I never would have though of myself. I guess that's a good thing though.

That should be going out hopefully by this weekend (which is tomorrow!) and within a few weeks I should know for sure if I've been accepted. I think I will be. In the letter of recommendation Linda said I possess a certain "spark" that is in line with the environment of Fielding. My GPA more than qualifies me and while I thought at first that my statement of purpose was too informal, I was relieved to hear that the statement is meant to reflect your personality and goals. And apparently it is absolutely fine to say that you don't know what you want to do but feel the answers will reveal themselves to you in time. I think I've always felt that way.

While I am waiting on my own graduate school acceptance, Jeff is dealing with the post-acceptance fervor of it all. He is attending CSU Bakersfield and this past Tuesday drove out there to get a feel for the place. His parents have returned from their 3 week vacation to Europe and I suspect those difficult conversations will be had starting today. Interestingly, when he took his grandmother out for dinner the other night she asked him, point blank, if he planned on marrying me. Without hesitation he declared "yes" and she responded "good." And then remarked on his lack of hesitation. Needless to say I was delighted to hear this exchange.

I think there are a lot of changes in store. Whether I continue working part time and attending school here in Lompoc or moving to Bakersfield to work full time and do school part time, my future is changing. I look forward to having things to do again, to having deadlines and papers scheduled into my calendar. I have missed the student way of life and I can't wait to go back into it, head first.

Monday, July 25, 2011

How I Spent (Most of) My Saturday


I went to work at 8:45 and got off at noon. Then my day began. I made the 2 hour trip to Valencia and was happily welcomed into a wonderfully air conditioned home with amazing food prepared by my better bearded half. Not 30 minutes after arrival we headed out to (I don't know the name of the city but it is part of Santa Clarita) to finally have my car's transmission flushed. That took about an hour (and cost $156) and then we headed to O'Reilly's for a new ac belt for my car. Those are just two of the maintenance jobs I needed performed on my car to get it back into excellent condition. Jeff put on the ac belt and I helped by actually wrapping the belt around the pulley. It was a dirty ob and I was a total girl about it but at least I helped! Anyway, this is boring so just take a look at these photos I took.

I'm not sure what he is looking at but I know it has something to do with my car. He really spent a long time outside working on my car. I could tell that he was really treating it with the same interest and respect he would treat his own car with. He had the front jacked up and the right front wheel taken off and was gaining access by laying down under it. It looked like he could have been decapitated so easily. I know he knows what he is doing and I trust him completely, but it was still rather frightening to see him in that position.

This is Mortimer, Jeff's 18 year old cat. He is the skinniest thing you have ever seen in your life. It isn't that he doesn't eat; he eats constantly throughout the day. In fact, if my Snuggles ate as much as Morty he would be rather obese. Morty has a thyroid problem that keeps him looking skeletal. Most of the time I'm afraid to pet him because the feel of his spine and ribs alarms me. He just has the sweetest disposition.

At one point a neighbor came by to chat with us. I politely excused myself under the guise of doing laundry and went in and watched Jennifer's Body while I waited for Jeff to finish. The movie finished first and I wasn't able to get a jeff inside until a little after midnight. His neighbor talks so much. He is a sweet kid and apparently has HFA - High Functioning Autism. He seemed to be incredibly intelligent but I can only take so much chatter in a day.

Anyway. I am so relieved to have my car back in excellent condition. It has taken a long time and a lot of money (some of which I am still paying back) but I can finally feel comfortable behind the wheel knowing that nothing is stripped or cracked and may kill me. Thanks, Jeffy!

Back at Home

I'm back in the land of the boring after a fun weekend with Jeffrey in 101 degree weather. Thankfully we were in air conditioning for most of it. Part of that time included seeing the final Harry Potter movie in epic IMAX 3D glory. Now that was what a great movie experience should be. I am at work now, having arrived straight from Jeff's with two stops along the way. I have a lot more to blog about once I am home changed into some fresh pajamas.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

I am Moving

While my physical location will remain the same (for now) I am pleased to announce that I will be converting over to WordPress so that my blog will be hosted on my own site - crystalcierlak.com.
I've already imported everything over there; it is only a matter of formally switching. That should be happening this weekend.

Monday, July 18, 2011

One Step Closer

I am a bit closer to that grad school acceptance. I'm RSVP'd for a Fielding webinar to learn all about the Media Psychology and Social Change on Thursday. Linda (counselor at work who also attended Fielding) is writing me a letter of recommendation. And hopefully CSUCI will relinquish its vice-like hold on my official transcripts after they remove that ridiculous financial hold on my account.
Good start to my week!

Friday, July 15, 2011

A Headache in the Making

I'm applying to graduate school. Since I was at CSU Channel Islands the other day with Jeff I decided to drop off my official transcript request in person. Fine.

This morning I receive a letter stating my request cannot be processed because there is a financial hold on my account. I know what it is and it pisses me off.


I call the appropriate office and they confirm that it is housing who put the hold on my account. To make a long story short, Anacapa Housing at my school (aka: the dorms I lived in for two years) has been trying to charge me $55 since the day I moved out, claiming that I didn't vacuum the carpet in my room or clean the bathroom. Except I did. My mother, grandmother, and Jeff were there with me helping me clean. I remember it distinctly because this happened literally five minutes after turning the tassel on my hat to indicate I was graduated.

I have been disputing this charge for TWO AND A HALF YEARS. I have disputed it with them. When they threatened to send my to collection my mother took over and disputed it. Written statements by both my mom and grandma were sent to backup my dispute and to verify the room was clean. Nothing happened after that. But the charge is still there.

So now, someone - probably an intern or student worker - is "researching" into it to find out what can be done.

Allow me to explain something about housing.... they are the creation of the devil. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my school and I enjoyed living in the dorms at times (especially because it's how I met Jeff) but the housing office itself is an atrocious institution that is hell-bent on making the lives of its residents positively miserable. And now they're f-ing with my graduate education. Not ok.


I hope to God this gets fixed and everything is resolved. Two and a half years is too long to dispute a $55 charge (which I refuse to pay).

Thursday, July 14, 2011

A Small Complaint

So there was a client at work who had made arrangements to miss two group sessions on account of work commitments. That was fine and I made notations in his chart and all was great in the world. Except the third week, the group he was meant to show up for, he was about 30 minutes late and I had to mark him down as a no-show. The next week, which was last Thursday, he showed up on time even though there was no group (though he didn't know that). Well he arrives today and come to find out he's been discharged - by his counselor, for missing FOUR groups. Except he hadn't missed four, he had missed three and two of them were excused. Turns out the counselor didn't even look at the chart notes and discharged him just based on her own illogical reasoning (seriously, the woman is f-ing bonkers). To make matters worse I was the one apologizing profusely and feeling like the meanest bitch in the world when it was her fault. She didn't even take the smallest bit of responsibility (and she did take a small amount) until I jokingly offered to let him yell at me because he looked so upset.

It left me feeling disgusting and my opinion of her has decreased even more considerably than it has from previous incidences. Ugh. What a nutjob.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

A Quick Check-in

I've been visiting Jeff in Valencia since Saturday and we're been having a lot of fun relaxing and cooking and driving around and just being young and silly. I truly need to blog more often but I totally feel spending time with my boyfriend is more important, lol. Perhaps sad, but true! Anyway I'm promising myself I will blog more often - I'm even thinking of more topics and things to blog about!

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

June 6th

My grandpa's wife - I guess that'd make her my step-grandma - is not doing very well. She's been hospitalized with congestive heart failure and is having difficulties keeping certain essentials at normal levels in her body, such as potassium and other similar things. She was meant to leave the hospital about today but that isn't going to happen. I haven't talked with him directly but I understand my grandpa is in a state. Understandably. He completely forgot to go to one appointment yesterday. Maybe she is the one to always remind him to look at his calendar? I know that's how it is with Jeff and me.

I haven't been feeling well myself, though nothing compared to what my step-grandma is going through. Woke up with a headache, which started to turn into a migraine, and also had to contend with nausea and other stomach problems. Taking a shower was quite difficult and I kept trying not to throw up in the shower. I'm doing better now, especially after lying down in my air conditioned room. I called out sick from work. I think I maybe could have gone after all but who knows how that would have affected me. I'm still feeling rather icky but at least I got to take a shower. I had made a sandwich at one point and every time I took a bite I could feel my body wanting to throw it up. I was finally able to finish it after rested in bed, and I think that helped keep my strength up.

Last night I noticed my feet were swollen and they are again today. My grandma gave me a water pill to help. I hope it does.

Though none of this seems nearly as bad as what my step-grandma is going through. I can't get her out of my mind. She and I have never been particularly close but I know I would be quite upset if she passed like this. That would only be compounded by feeling a great loss for my grandfather, who has spent the better part of 30 years with her by his side. I can only imagine I would be nothing short of catatonic if Jeff passed on. I can't imagine what that would be like to lose someone after 30 years. I think I'd probably just contemplate killing myself. Unless we had kids.

Anyway, that intensity aside, I think I'll call my grandpa to let him know I'm thinking about him.