June 6th

My grandpa's wife - I guess that'd make her my step-grandma - is not doing very well. She's been hospitalized with congestive heart failure and is having difficulties keeping certain essentials at normal levels in her body, such as potassium and other similar things. She was meant to leave the hospital about today but that isn't going to happen. I haven't talked with him directly but I understand my grandpa is in a state. Understandably. He completely forgot to go to one appointment yesterday. Maybe she is the one to always remind him to look at his calendar? I know that's how it is with Jeff and me.

I haven't been feeling well myself, though nothing compared to what my step-grandma is going through. Woke up with a headache, which started to turn into a migraine, and also had to contend with nausea and other stomach problems. Taking a shower was quite difficult and I kept trying not to throw up in the shower. I'm doing better now, especially after lying down in my air conditioned room. I called out sick from work. I think I maybe could have gone after all but who knows how that would have affected me. I'm still feeling rather icky but at least I got to take a shower. I had made a sandwich at one point and every time I took a bite I could feel my body wanting to throw it up. I was finally able to finish it after rested in bed, and I think that helped keep my strength up.

Last night I noticed my feet were swollen and they are again today. My grandma gave me a water pill to help. I hope it does.

Though none of this seems nearly as bad as what my step-grandma is going through. I can't get her out of my mind. She and I have never been particularly close but I know I would be quite upset if she passed like this. That would only be compounded by feeling a great loss for my grandfather, who has spent the better part of 30 years with her by his side. I can only imagine I would be nothing short of catatonic if Jeff passed on. I can't imagine what that would be like to lose someone after 30 years. I think I'd probably just contemplate killing myself. Unless we had kids.

Anyway, that intensity aside, I think I'll call my grandpa to let him know I'm thinking about him.