Wednesday, November 4, 2009


I have been increasingly frustrated lately with the amount of housecleaning I have had to do lately. It makes me irrationally angry to look at any mess (especially in the kitchen) and terribly frustrated when I cave in and start cleaning. I never wanted to be a housewife. If there was a shared home, marriage and especially kids in the picture it would be entirely different. Instead I find myself cleaning messes that shouldn't be made to begin with. There is no reason in the world to not do dishes until (quite literally) every dish is dirty. There is no reason why you can't pick up trash and put it in the trash. No reason why it shouldn't go into the trash to begin with.

I am living a life that I foolishly volunteered for because I thought it would somehow change certain aspects about out life that I was unhappy with. Alas, nothing has changed. My parents don't seem to miss me much and I was literally invited to my own house for Thanksgiving dinner. I still technically live there! I'm only where I'm at now for the sake of finding a job.

I have had so much of this frustration building up in me and I can sense it coming to a boiling point. Nothing in my life is going according to plan and I am really fed up with this feeling of being lost. I want things to change and I want them to change right now. But how is that going to happen?

The part that makes me feel guilty? Today marks a year and a half of being together. It really feels like a make it or break it situation these days. Obviously I don't want to break it, but I doubt he will do what needs to be done to make it.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

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