Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Soon Things Will Come to an End

It's 1:30 in the morning and I'm sitting here in the dark with headphones on and no music playing. I just completed one major project but I still have way too many to go. I know that graduation is very much just around the corner and that it will be here sooner rather than later, but I still can't help but feel that there's just this gross amount of time hanging around so that I can procrastinate. In this sense I'm very happy I decided not to move on to graduate school just yet. I've been in college for the last 20 years of my life with little or no breaks and I'm tired. And even though I feel as if there is time while still knowing that there really isn't, I still feel pressured to get things done. I wish I were a better student, bottom line. Even though I get excellent grades and my professors all have high opinions of me (I think?), I'm still not as accomplished of a student as I'd like to be. It's not about extra curriculars or getting involved (done both, have disliked both). It's about feeling like I accomplished something more than a Bachelors degree. I'd rather feel that I've kicked the habit of procrastination rather than just having quit smoking cigarettes. I'd rather feel like I've grown. When surrounded by some of the idiots that matriculate here I feel well beyond my years, and yet within the 4 corners of my own dorm room I still feel like I'm not quite an adult yet. I really wish this feeling would end. Only time will tell. And there's only three weeks left of it.

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