Saturday, May 23, 2009


This week has been a difficult one for me so far. I realized it has only been literally one week since I graduated college and moved back home, but, as I explained to my grandma yesterday, a week of time is different when you live in a dorm room with your sorta fiancee and you're in 7 classes and getting ready for graduation and everything that comes along with it. To go from that - when I was busy every hour of the day - to this, where my biggest concern is which box to unpack today, it's a really big transition. A week here feels like a month.

I'm applying for jobs every day and trying to make the best of my situation, but I can't help but be bored. To go from being constantly busy to constantly boring is tough, like I said. I miss my boyfriend, I miss school a little bit and since I've been here I've made a lot of discoveries about myself. Like the fact that I have very few true friends and that none of them are close to me right now. Jeff is in Valencia, Michael is in Moorpark, Allie (who I barely speak to anyway) is also in Santa Clarita. I really do feel alone. I don't have a best girl friend and people who I thought were friends either turned out not to be at all or are merely just acquaintances after all. One friend in particular I thought would become really great friends with, but that didn't turn out either. She would make plans with me and then cancel or not show up, or always be too busy. I introduced her to my mentor and she got in tight with her and ever since things have changed. I really wish I could have been great friends with her because we're so like-minded, but she was on such a different path than me. She still is.

One thing that I have started that has brought me some unexpected joy is rewriting a trilogy that I wrote many, many years ago. I guess it is an adaptation. I wrote about things like love and friendship when I didn't really know what those two things are. Now that I have some experience and perspective I'm hoping to add some depth and dimension to these characters that I have written from my heart. It's been unexpected. I got as far as the prolouge and then I couldn't figure out how to rewrite the first chapter. I turned myself into bed last night and it suddenly dawned on me! I wipped out the laptop and began writing for a long time. I didn't get to bed until nearly 4:30. It was a great feeling, to be honest, and it made me excited for what today would bring. I don't know what will come from this experience but hopefully it will bring nothing but great things into my life.

On another note, I still have more videos I can add, and I plan on doing so. Maybe I'll try and learn some tricks in iMovie so I can fancy them up a bit!

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